A couple of months ago, I told you about My Perfect New Neighbour (to be).
So, who has been blessed with the privilege of living next door to moi? It’s the woman who sat in her car eating a family-size chocolate bar. Her name is Shirley and her husband is Terence. Aren’t they the lucky ones! Are we lucky to be living next door to them though? That is the question!
My dream neighbour specification; Someone friendly, quiet, my age, has one child aged six, wants to join a writing group, likes to go chéile dancing, likes to go for walks (on my terms), enjoys the occasional glass of wine and Guinness, listens to André Rieu, understands good ole Irish banter & sarcasm, and knows how to boil the kettle properly.
Did I get my dream neighbour? No, of course not.
However, it’s still early days and I have still to learn a lot more about Shirley and Terence. I do know that they don’t have a six-year-old child and they’re not the same age as us. We’re touching the fifty mark and they seem to be well into their sixties! But I can totally live with that.
It was a warm sunny day when they moved in and Mr Social Butterfly himself, Stephano, went out to welcome the pair to the neighbourhood. I was peeping out the bedroom window – slightly open for sound – to get an idea of who I’m dealing with here. Terence appeared to be a jolly sort, who didn’t say very much but kept smiling and nodding his head while Shirley did all the talking.
She has a high pitched voice and her mouth moves fast. She can’t get her words out quick enough making it difficult to keep up with her, especially from a distance. If only fast talking people came with a remote control so we could pause and rewind them!
She had her face very close to my Stephano too and he was bent slightly backwards trying to avoid touching her. The more he leaned back, the more she leaned forward. She was clearly invading his aura with her ample bosom and he looked seriously uncomfortable – and he knew I was watching!
From upstairs, it was difficult to hear properly but Shirley sounded very posh! And if this was her casual wear, I can’t imagine what she might wear on a night out! I looked like something that was dragged through a hedge on the day we moved house.
Her tanned skin has seen many foreign holidays I’m guessing. Gorgeous hair! Not sure if it’s her natural colour – a beautiful white grey that only the very lucky ladies get to own naturally!
For sure, she’s a regular visitor at the hair salon, unless her best friend is a hairdresser. A hairdo like Shirley’s is definitely not low-maintenance. Short style full of volume, and perfectly matching spiky waves that can only be achieved by a professional blow-dry, and a can of hairspray. I’d safely say, this is a woman who spends a lot of time taking good care of herself. She can’t be a writer so!!
And then she laughed. Crikey! Nothing like I’ve ever heard before – a cross between a parrot and another parrot! Yes….two parrots having a fight! Is there such thing as a vibrating parrot? I watched as Stephano backed away slowly.
He came back inside and I quizzed him immediately.
“Well. What are they like?”
“Yeah….they seem lovely.”
Stephano likes everybody.
“What was she telling you?”
“How fantastic their two children are. The son is a prosthodontist and the daughter is….”
“A what? Prostho what? Is that a real thing?”
“No idea. But the daughter is a pharmacist and that’s a real thing.”
“Crikey! What was she laughing at? That’s a scary laugh.”
“I told her you were a blogger.”
“Eh…excuse me…what? Why is that a laughing matter? Why’s that funny? Why didn’t you tell her I was a writer?”
“Because you’re a blogger-writer and I just said blogger to keep it simple.”
“To keep it simple? Stephano! Her son is a prontodonto for God’s sake. Why would she find it difficult to comprehend that I’m a writer?”
Welcome to the neighbourhood Mrs Hoity Toity! I’m sure we’re going to get along just mighty fine.
I shall remain positive!
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Gloria McBreen 
Ah Tasheenga, don’t loose heart, we all know that sort! Marbles in the mouth job! But after a while you’ll see she’s just human after all 👹 Talk to Gloria and she’ll give you some meditation advice to relieve any anxiety and jealousy issues 🙏🏽. Stephano loves you dearly . He loves your hair even when it’s dull and you just put it up to avoid the hairdresser 👍🏾. He sees your real worth 👍🏾 He knows you are a very busy woman who won’t spend her days clutching the curtains and keeping tabs on Curly Shurly next door 🙈🙉🙊, Go take a shower 🐳 Find the makeup 🤹🏾♀️🎭 Dicky yourself up👗👠🕶👜👒. Walk past next door with your head held high , Be Gone for hours 😁 Then she’ll be watching and wondering” who is this mysterious lady next door? “. Don’t forget to – Practice your breathing and your mirror work and your chanting and your affirmations 😇. Remember Obama and Bob the builder. ” I Can Do it” ….. Yes I. CAN …… Tasheenga! Yes you Can! . Go out and mesmerise 💃💃💃💃💃. Always remember we love you ❤️❤️❤️
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Yes, I can do it, Esmeralda! Thank you for your advice. Very helpful.
Oh…how I’d love to be the mysterious lady next door. Gloria can go meet her for tea or whatever, but I’ll stay hidden in the shadows. I’ll be vigilant at all times and I’ll suss her out! Yes, when I leave the house dressed to the nines, she won’t have a clue who I am! I’ll wear my best clothes and high heels. I have curling tongs somewhere…
Hee hee, there’s all sorts of little plots swimming around in my head right now.
You’re such a bad influence, Esmeralda!
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They sound like all neighbours 😊 do you think they will read this?
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They’d never find me! They won’t ever get to meet ‘Tasheenga’. 😁
#Ipray
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Please blog about if they do!! Ha ha😊
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Just think of the inspiration you could glean from em!!!
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Learning every day!
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😊
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Haha. Very funny. Like your writing style. Hope your neighbours aren’t following your blog 🙂 Jill x
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I really really really hope they’re not! 🙏 Thanks for reading! 😊
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Well, I looked up the dentist thingy…that’s just a posh way of saying a cosmetic dentist. I would MUCH rather be a blogger any day of the week 😉
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Ha ha same here Em. Much better fun! Thanks for reading!
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This was so much fun to read! When you described her laughing as sounding like a cross between a parrot and a parrot I almost spit out my coffee!
Best wishes for a cordial relationship!
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Ha ha….glad you enjoyed it! Thanks! Fun times ahead!
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Prontodonto!!! Haha! I’m a fan of giving new neighbors the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t help but laugh at your account of this first encounter. As you say, I’m sure you’ll get along great. Maybe even learn to love the laugh. Or not. . .
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Prosthodontist is a difficult word to pronounce when one is having a mini anxiety attack!! Gloria gets on with most people but Tasheenga can be a little highly stung sometimes! Only time will tell! Thank you for reading Angela.
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This is hilarious, but I really hope she doesn’t google you to look for the blog now!
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Oh….I hope not. I’m hoping she doesn’t connect Gloria and Tasheenga! I need to get rid of the author bio at the end. Trouble is, it’s connected to my first blog. Something I didn’t mean to happen at the time of setting up this one! Maybe unleashing Tasheenga wasn’t such a good idea after all!!
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It was a brilliant idea. You love me really!!
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Lol. This is hilarious! Who know you just might become best friends with Shirley
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Time will tell! She’s keeping a low profile at the moment. Maybe she found my blog !!!! :-0
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Oh my. This was hilarious!! Your musts for a neighbor had me rolling! Quite specific 😂. I hope she doesn’t laugh much, because 😱! Do you have shared walls?
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Oh well, put it out there to the universe and see what it throws back at you. (The universe doesn’t always listen to me.) Thankfully, we don’t share walls so she can laugh as much as she needs to. So far I’m not hearing her. Unless she hasn’t laughed since she heard her neighbour was a blogger! Mmm…..I wonder!
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Haha!! Well, thank goodness you have no shared walls!! 🙌🏻
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Oh I feel observational stories a plenty. Love this, I have done the hide n watch myself, cant wait to read more..
You should change their names though… just in case.
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All names are fictional! 😉 Thanks Ellen. I have so much to write but I’m trying to win NaNaWriMo this year. Not sure if I will though!
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Go girl I have your back! *flicks eyes right to left* tip … don’t do the social stuff , put a post up that says ( due to Nano shut! happens i’ll be back soon). No Fb no tweets just pin the same post on all three … give yourself a chance.
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Oh thats a really good idea Ellen. Im quite good at shutting off social media at the moment – check only when on meal breaks. (Like now 😁) It’s just life stuff, mostly unavoidable that’s hindering my daily word count. However, I’m in it to the end whatever the outcome!
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⚘🍸
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HAHA! I’d love to be your neighbour, as you sound such fun! How dare Mrs Hoity-Toity laugh at you being a blogger; she would be laughing the other side of her face if she read your blog and how you have described her! look forward to hearing more about her! 🙂
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