One thing that always cheers me up is my besties and because they’re not within reach at the moment I have no choice but to have a little wander down memory lane. This is one memory that I’ll never forget and always makes me laugh!

This one time in Scout camp, Esmeralda and I decided that our baby wipe showers were only truly effective for a day or two. It was now day four and we had to brave the communal showers. Yes, communal! Now that might be no big deal for some people but I’ve never ever had to share my shower with anybody. My mother threw us all into the same bath when we were very young, but that’s different.

After several cups of coffee and faffing around for a couple of hours, we gathered ourselves and started walking. We ploughed through the gutters in our wellies and matching anoraks with our toiletries and fluffy towels in 2 Lidl bags.

“We are all women and we are all the same”, Esmeralda insisted. I nodded in agreement even though I wasn’t sure that I did agree.

“Aye, we’ll be grand. Sure it’s only a shower,” says I. 

The shower block wasn’t terribly attractive because it was built from a huge cattle trailer. Inside was even less attractive and smelt like a sweat factory but hey, we were happy campers and we didn’t expect the Ritz. One side was for the ladies; the other side for the gents. So at least it wasn’t unisex! 

The ground was paved with wooden pallets, which were beginning to sink in the mud, and the showers were fixed to the back wall. I wondered who was the brains behind such a contraption and I seriously hoped they did not get a badge of recognition for it!

As Esmeralda and I undressed we were grateful that there was only one other person having a shower. I don’t do naked in front of my friends and I could feel nervous giggles welling up inside me. We looked at each other and burst out laughing.  Our wobbly bits wobbled and the lone figure standing under one of the shower heads glanced nervously in our direction.

Swaddled in our towels we braced ourselves for the walk across the floor of pallets. They were slippery from all the soapy unrinsed feet of the last four days. One wrong move and you were down there with the worms. The balance was everything here and peering through the slits I knew that I did not want that sudsy muck squishing through my toes!

‘One step at a time Esmeralda’, I coaxed. ‘Stop laughing Tasheenga’, she snorted.

My face was getting redder by the second and the tears in my eyes were blinding me. The more we laughed the more we wobbled and the more we wobbled the more we laughed! Slowly, slowly…… and we managed to make it safely across the pallets – without falling to our death!

I took the first shower hose in the corner and Esmeralda shuffled the whole way over to the other corner. I think being in a corner gave us extra feelings of security. With one hand across the boobies and the other hand covering the lady gardens, our eyes were drawn to the slim tanned figure under hose number four!

French or Italian; not sure. Tall, lean, and beautiful with long dark hair that touched her firm buttocks. She could have been a movie star. But why was she cleansing herself in slow motion? Or was it my eyes? Her soapy hands roamed and rambled over every inch of her body – in slow motion! It was definitely in slow motion; nothing wrong with my eyes. Were we on I’m a Celebrity Get me Outta Here? Was she doing this for our benefit? Or is this the way some people really do take a shower? Mmm….the mind boggles!

“Huh! I can do that too”, I muttered under my breath. I reached up to press the on button and that’s when I realised that Frenchie beside me had something that I didn’t – height! I couldn’t reach the button. I had to let go of my lady garden to jump up and hit the damn button. I looked over at Esmeralda and realised she was having the same problem!

The sprinkling of water stopped after about 30 seconds and I had to jump up again. I looked over at Esmeralda and she was in a heap; her whole body was shaking vigorously and her laughter no longer sounded human! I was laughing so much that every time I jumped up to hit the button I missed the damn thing. It was impossible to do the sexy slow motion self-body wash. Frenchie won hands down!

After about 20 mins you could say we were washed and well rinsed, so we got dressed as quickly as possible and got our asses out of there. We laughed the whole way back across the camp. It was the most stressful shower I have ever had! But it was also one of the funniest. 

Clever girl scouts informed us later that they showered in their swimwear. Now, why didn’t we think of that!