That Bitch Big M!

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I don’t suffer from anxiety because I can control my anxiety. If I didn’t know how to manage it and control it, then I would say that I do suffer from anxiety.

Anxiety causes me to get palpitations and palpitations make me anxious! Damn things! If I drink more than two or three glasses of wine, I’ll have palpitations the next day. When Glo is the dominant personality here, the limit of two glasses is strictly adhered to!

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Last Sunday I was out for dinner with Stephano and Little Miss Six, and I consumed three glasses of white wine. I was fine; we were home about 8pm and in bed before 11. Oh yes…..I did have a gin and tonic too! The next morning my chest felt really heavy and I was wrecked! Shallow breathing and palpitations. I ignored it for a while and by lunchtime, I lay down for a wee meditation.

Lots of deep breaths and I took myself and Sean Connery off to a desert island where the hot sun beamed down from the deep blue sky. We I had nothing to do except listen to the sounds of the gentle waves as they caressed my toes! Ah…. I wanted to lie there all day. Just me and Seanie all alone!

Anyway, it calmed me down a bit but within ten minutes or so the fluttering in my chest started again. I began to worry. Worrying made it worse. Feck that wine anyway. Stupid gin!

Tuesday was pretty much the same. I knew I wasn’t stressed about anything and nothing was happening in my life to make me feel anxious.

I consulted google!

How to stop palpitations

  1. Try relaxation techniques. Tick.
  2. Do vagal manouvres. What? Skip. (Well I’m okay with a bit of chanting!)
  3. Drink water. Tick.
  4. Restore electrolyte balance. Tick. I’ve been taking magnesium supplements and I eat a banana every day!
  5. Avoid stimulants. Tick. Two days without tea and coffee. Other stimulants don’t apply to me.

Nothing would get rid of my palpitations. By this point, I had myself convinced that my heart was failing. Google said that I should consult my doctor if I had pain – I did! If I was breathless – I was! Throbbing and numbness in the arms – yes! I had all the symptoms of death! My lungs felt weird; maybe I had a clot in my lung. An underlying heart condition that could lead to a stroke. My heart was coming up my throat now and I felt like there was a bowl of jelly inside my chest. My neck throbbed and my jaws were tightening like a vice-grip. Heavens above – I’m on the way out!

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I had my funeral planned in my head. Loads of flowers please and a big party at the wake. Plenty of singing and dancing. Crying is acceptable. No bitching about me when I’m gone. Don’t touch my blogs! Style my hair the way I like it and DO NOT overdo the make-up. Make sure I’m wearing earrings. My palpitations went mental when I began to think about the coffin….how will I cope? I’m claustrophobic. Oh crap….I don’t want to die!

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The thoughts of anyone reading through all my notebooks when I ‘move on’ gave me the urge to live! Some of the content ain’t pretty!

By Friday I was still googling  ‘The Cause of Palpitations’.

Big M

The Gloria part of me suspects that Big M is on the way! She has us on a special diet because she wants to be ready for the bitch when she hits! It’s a low sugar diet and Google says that low blood sugar levels can cause palpitations. I convinced her to go back to eating muesli for breakfast! (Today I learned that I’ve been spelling muesli wrong all my life) A magnesium overdose was possible too; Glo read somewhere that peri-menopausal women can benefit from extra magnesium so she bought supplements. She also read that at least one orgasm a day helps maintain healthy estrogen levels. She’s prepared to do anything to ward off Big M!

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Okay……so yes. Palpitations are a symptom of peri-menopause. And I suppose that sudden rush of something weird in my body every now and again might be a mini hot flush!! (Is there such thing as a mini hot flush?) Well, the mood swings are there since adolescents so they can’t be coming from Big M. My boob pain is apparently caused by fluctuating hormones. And don’t even talk to me about memory loss! (I had to google ‘dementia’ recently)

It’s the not knowing that drives me mad…………

Phone a Friend

The friend told me to go to the chemist and get my blood pressure checked. I took her advice and my blood pressure was fine. Head buckaroo in the chemist suggested that I may have a viral infection. She mentioned Big M too though! She advised me to get myself up to the medical centre and book in for a well-woman checkup.

Well, what a great idea! I didn’t even know such a thing existed. This checkup will hopefully provide me with the evidence that I need to determine whether Big M is approaching or I really am just a nutjob!

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26 thoughts on “That Bitch Big M!”

  1. Brilliant Tasheenga 👍🏾Welcome 🙏🏽 to the 50”s 🤣😆😂. More 🍷🍹✈️🍔🍟🥗🍇🥑🥝🍾🍿🍩🥂😎 and🥡🍽 you can blame the Big M for everything 😂
    💝💓💗💓💝

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  2. Reading this is like living through my mother’s pains of menopause some years ago, she was just as anxious about it all, it was hilarious to us but absolutely awful for her haha x

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  5. Unfortunately, it’s a long ride, might as well try and find the positives 🙂 My grumble is that I can be cold all day, then look forward to bedtime due to it being cooler with my body yelling out, “party time girlfriend, stoke up the fire”. Grrrr

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  6. Totally. Big M super sucks. I don’t think I’m there yet. But it does really piss me off. Why can’t we just keep the good parts of the hormones without the stupid bad stuff? But, at the very least, we can approach the CHANGE with humor! Thanks for the fun post, but sorry about the palpitations!

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  7. Hilarious Tasheenga…. Although it sounds absolutely like the normal Gloria I know and love…. So don’t fear the future she’ll guide you right through and yes you’re right it’ll be a helluva ride….. Never laughed as much…. Keep writing Tasheenga you’re a Ray of sunshine!! Regards Mohatmocotalay x

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  8. I know my M is getting closer. My 40s are one long emotional rollercoaster and the days of gloom are getting more frequent. This is a good post and I can relate.

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  9. Probably my most dreaded part of this perimenopause. Palpitations yet to pounce but I am waiting ! My poor Aunty had them every time she had a hot flush which left her quite claustrophobic in situations ! I read wine doesn’t help but I love a glass or two of red …the thought of giving that up makes me have palpitations 😉 😉

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  12. Hey Tasheenga, I’ve just discovered your delightful blog via the equally delightful Shelley Wilson’s site. This post made me smile – ah the delights of the peri-menopause. Mine started way back in my early thirties although I hadn’t a clue what it was at the time. The first symptom I had was furious itching all over my body which happened to coincide with my looking after a friend’s dog – Roger. Naturally I was convinced poor old Roger had given me fleas so he was dragged off to the vet! A clean bill of health was declared for him which meant that I had to drag myself off to the doctor and he diagnosed the dreadful P-M! 19 years of more hell than I care to mention followed which actually makes my current menopausal symptoms pale into insignificance so I raise salute to you and anyone trying to cope with the Big ‘M’! Mel x

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    • Hi Mel. Thank you for dropping in. Sorry that I’m only getting back to you now but I’ve been on a break from blogging. A bit longer than expected but I’m back now.
      Funny you should mention itching……. I have noticed that my skin is always really itchy lately – as in the last 10-12 months. Another symptom! 19 years of all this crap?? That’s not fair. I’m not sure if I could spend 19 years of being funny about Big M! I feel a bit palpatationy now!!

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      • Ah no worries – we all need a break now and then but glad you are now back – love your blog so keep up the good work!

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