I’ll never forget how my first crush totally crushed all the fanciable feelings I had for him.

I was aged 11 and I was in 5th class. It was our first day back after the summer holidays and also the first time for the boys and girls to be mixed. We weren’t used to being with boys, you see. We didn’t mix at all in school. Even in the playground, we had to remain on our own side of the fence. So, it was quite a big change for us.

Our teacher decided that it would be a great idea to sit a boy beside a girl. Throw us in at the deep end, sure!

I had a massive crush on one particular boy. He was gorgeous. As the teacher began picking names out of two boxes (boy & girl), I silently prayed that I would get to sit beside Crush.

I couldn’t believe it when our names were picked out together. I was ecstatic! Crush and I made our way to our assigned desk. My heart thumped and the butterflies fluttered softly in my stomach.

I turned to Crush with a sweet loving smile on my face but he had his elbow on the desk with his head resting in his hand, facing away from me. I got the feeling that he wasn’t as impressed with the arrangement as I was.

I felt highly insulted. After a couple of hours, he relaxed a bit but still no engagement. He’ll come round, I thought.

When he began picking his nose and inspecting his findings, something inside me died. Did he just eat that? Every day he did this and not once did he look at me or speak to me.

I was never more relieved when our teacher rearranged the seating. I ended up sitting beside a lovely girl called Angela.

The nursery rhyme that I’d learned as a child played over and over in my head for weeks after. “Frogs and snails and puppy dog’s tails; that’s what little boys are made of.”

It took me quite a few years to fancy a boy again after that.

Thank you for reading.

Do you read fiction?

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Set in a gossipy small town in Ireland at a time when marriage is for keeps and sexuality is repressed, Secrets in the Babby House is a family saga over three decades that starts in 1956. It is a story of love, deception, and stolen diaries filled with sins and secrets.