‘Benny left the group’. This is the first message that appears in all our family WhatsApp groups.

I do believe there’s one in every family. The Serial WhatsApp Group Leaver. In our family his name is Benny.

I also believe that in every family, there’s The Serial WhatsApp Group Creator. In our family, her name is Charlene.

Benny doesn’t like being in groups and Charlene doesn’t like people leaving groups – especially the ones she has created (which is 99% of them).

There are many types of WhatsApp groups out there. Here is a list of my top ten groups that I bet you are all in – unless you’re like Benny.

1) The Immediate Family Group. This is only for the parents and siblings. Usually set up when older kids move out of home and don’t see each other as often as they used to. Benny doesn’t get to ask his parents for money, nobody sings happy birthday to him, and he has no idea what his brothers and sisters get up to in their free time – because he left the group.

2) The Wider Family Group. This includes all family members. Brothers, sisters, in-laws. This is a busy group and you need to check the messages every half hour or else you’ll be totally lost. Not all conversations in this group is the business of every member of the group. In fact, it is quite often between just two members – but you still need to read, otherwise you won’t know their business. And it’s essential that all family members know everything about each other. Benny doesn’t know anybody’s business – because he left the group.

You can expect a huge volume of children and animal photos in ‘The Wider Family Group’. And it is vitally important that you comment equally on each photo; failure to do so may result in offending the owner of the photo. Benny has no idea how many nieces or nephews he has or what they look like – because he left the group.

This is also where people find out when someone is sick, in hospital and dead. Benny doesn’t visit anyone in hospital and he misses all his relative’s funerals –  because he left the group.

3) The Family Christmas Group. This is different from ‘The Wider Family Group’. There are a couple of family members excluded from this one. The one who doesn’t buy presents and the one who hates Christmas. This is where you find out what everyone is doing on Christmas day. This is the place where you will get invited to someone’s house for dinner.

This is also where you get to see all the photos of Christmas jumpers and the antics of everybody’s Elf on the Shelf. Benny doesn’t know who the Elf on the Shelf is, he’s never seen a Christmas jumper in his life and he eats his Christmas dinner at home alone – because he left the group.

4) The Kris Kindle Group. This is different from the Family Christmas Group because some family members are not in it. The lad that doesn’t buy presents is not in the Family Christmas Group but he is in this one. He’s in it because he only has to buy one present and he’ll get one in return.

The one who hates Christmas is not in this one either. The parents are not in this group because they still buy everyone in the family a present, so they’re excluded from the Kris Kindle. Benny doesn’t know about the Kris Kindle and the only present he receives at Christmas is the one from his parents – because he left the group.

5) The Holiday Group. When you’re going on holiday with friends and family it’s very important that you’re in this group. This is where you find out where they’ll all be sitting on the plane, what their accommodation is like, what style of bikini wax they got, and what they plan on doing every day during the holiday. Last year Benny missed his flight – because he left the group. But he got there in the end.

6) The Iceland Holiday Group. You have no idea why you’re in this group because you’ve never been to Iceland and never had any intentions of going to Iceland. Ever!

7) Bridie’s Hen Party Group. Yes…..all about the bride-to-be. Venue, time, dress code, bus timetable, the stripper, and cocktail recipes. The funny thing is, this group is still very active even though Bridie has been married for ten years now! Benny didn’t leave this group because Charlene didn’t add him to it in the first place.

8) Aunt Fanny’s Birthday Party Group. This is a tricky one because only the select few are invited to Aunt Fanny’s party. Aunt Fanny’s not in it because she doesn’t know about the party. People who can’t keep a secret aren’t allowed in it. The people who Fanny doesn’t like, are not in it either. People who are considered ‘dry’ and ‘no craic’ are not in it. Benny’s not in it – because he left it. (He’s afraid of Aunt Fanny but he probably would have left it anyway.)

9) The Committee Group. There are two committee groups.

A) The one where all the business stuff happens; although occasionally some irrelevant stuff gets posted here. For example; ‘Did anyone try out the new Chinese yet?’

B) The one where the craic happens; the chairperson is not in this group because she’s no craic and takes the committee too seriously. Benny runs a mile from committees, so he would never be added to this group.

10) The Friends Group. There are actually four types of Friends Groups.

A) All your friends. This group includes, Wanda, Jezebel, Sybil, Trixie, Henrietta and Cornelia. Lots of photos of children, animals and funny cat videos. Planning nights out etc, complimenting each other and sharing beauty tips…..this is a very supportive group.

B) All of your friends except Jezebel. This group was set up by Trixie, when she caught Jezebel making eyes at her ex-boyfriend in Tesco. This is where the bitching happens….about Jezebel.

C) All your friends except Sybil. Sybil isn’t in this group because she’s no craic. Lots of rude memes and sexy photos of Alan Carr are posted in this group. Yes……Alan Carr!

D) All your friends, except you. You’re not in this one because you pissed off Cornelia one day in one of the other groups and she created this one to complain about you. This group can be quite busy some days.

Benny left all the Friends Groups so now he has no friends. Don’t be like Benny. Stay in all the WhatsApp groups that you’re added to, because if you don’t, everyone will know that there’s something seriously wrong with you!

Of course, this is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to WhatsApp groups. What’s your favourite and your least favourite group?